Why Do I Get Up in The Morning?
Do As I Say, Not As I Do is an advice column designed to help you navigate any situation in life that you’re dealing with, and hopefully help others who find themselves in a similar situation. All advice is purely opinion based on my experience, and I am in no capacity a trained professional. If you’re struggling with your mental health, please seek out professional help, and reach out to Samaritans in the UK, or NAMI in the US. To ask me a question, fill out the form here.
Can you help me figure out what the fuck is going on? So, love and religion are not two things that give meaning to my life. The first being a big disappointment and the latter... well, just not my cup of tea. So, then what? I don't particularly like my job, I've never really liked any work experience I've had. I get bored very easily and seem to be constantly dissatisfied. I don't like our system (it sucks, the same people get the short straw systematically, and the same old who get that good end of the stick use it to beat the others with). Money manages us all, buy buy buy make more make more make more spend it. Quality? Meh, quantity has taken over. Climate? Complete disaster. Human relations? Under pressure from changes in society, leave self-doubt, distrust and all of that right there in the centre of everything. So what am I doing? Why do I get up every morning? Food, maybe, sleep maybe, sex? Not really getting much of that. Good books? Yes but I don't have time for that. Because I need money. To eat. To have a bed and a roof over my head. To sleep. Is this depression, realism, cynicism, do I need professional help or should I just shut up and stop whining?
-Ice Queen
Dear Ice Queen,
First of all, I want to say I’m very sorry that this is happening to you. That sounds extremely overwhelming and confusing, and I sincerely hope that you can find a way out of it soon. Before I start, I want to emphasise that I am not a professional in any capacity and that all the advice I give you is purely my opinion based off of my experience. With that in mind, if you’re able to consult a trained professional, I would highly encourage you to do so. If you’re not in a place where you can do that for any reason, I also want to make you aware of Samaritans in the UK, a wonderful organisation, which you can contact for free by phone, email, post or in person to talk about anything you’re going through. If you’re in the US, you can try NAMI.
In the meantime, here’s what comes to mind when I read your letter. If you’re not getting enough sleep — for me, that’s the first place to look. Insufficient sleep has been linked to mood swings, worsened creativity and decision-making, anxiety, depression, as well as a number of physical conditions. That means you’re not as well equipped to deal with the difficulties that life throws at you in your waking life. According to Healthline, some ways to improve your sleep include limiting the time you spend on screens, especially in the evening, not eating too close to bedtime, and sleeping and waking at the same time every day. Try reading a soothing book, like self-help, romance or even a children’s book, or meditating before bed.
“You can’t pour from an empty cup.”
I know everyone and their mother has already told you to start meditating regularly, but sometimes things are popular for a reason. Meditation helps with stress and anxiety, and can also help improve sleep and control pain. When I meditate, I notice my heart rate slowing down, and I’m better able to take a step back from the things I’ve convinced myself I need to do, or the things I’ve convinced myself I need to think. It helps me find perspective on my life and sometimes even generates very tiny epiphanies. It helps me accept the things I cannot change, many of which are precisely what is currently distressing you. I’ll circle back to this.
To start meditating, just type “meditation” on YouTube and choose a guided one that makes sense to you. Alternatively, you can do it right now before you read the rest of my letter: find a seat in a comfortable position, whether that’s on a chair, a bed or on the floor. Close your eyes. You can set an intention at this point — that’s something you want to work on, the reason you’re meditating, or even just a word (like “peace” or “calm” or “acceptance”) that resonates with you — but you don’t have to if you don’t feel comfortable with it. Now breathe normally, concentrating on your breath. In, out, in, out. That’s it. Just sit and concentrate on your breathing for as long as you need to. Your mind will begin to wander — that’s completely normal, so don’t judge yourself for it, don’t judge your thoughts, just notice them and let them wash over you. When your consciousness notices that your mind has drifted, slowly, gently bring it back to your breath. Believe me, it’s powerful.
Now moving onto the things in your life that are making you feel dissatisfied. Unfortunately, there are many things in the world that we cannot possibly change — especially other people’s actions and attitudes — and believing we can might harm us more than it remedies any problems. It sounds like capitalism, climate change and social issues are all things that are impacting your wellbeing. You’re not alone in any of that. All over the internet, people are talking about the many, many ways in which the world we live in — as well as societal norms, unfit governments, the threat of extinction, and fascism, white supremacy, rampant poverty, homophobia, transphobia — is harming them, their families and their communities. I’m absolutely not saying you should sit back and do nothing, but I do need you to consider this: you can’t pour from an empty cup. You have to understand that you matter, that your wellbeing matters, and you have to give yourself permission to take care of you. That’s your number one priority. Then, once you’re in a better place, you can begin to chip away at the issues that bother or anger you: volunteer with Extinction Rebellion, join a political party that aligns with your values, or research an organisation that makes you want to get involved.
“You just have to trust your process and be honest with yourself.”
As for finding meaning, I will say that this is (and should be) a consistent pursuit throughout your life. None of us know why we were put on this Earth, which is why we seek out answers from love, or religion, or any other belief system that makes our ride that little bit easier. For me, you have to combine the understanding that meaning is fickle, never fixed, with the incorporation of things that are worth waking up for into your life. There is no right answer, there are just things you can try. For now, that can be just a hobby — you know, basket-weaving, postmodernist painting, vegan cooking, whatever stirs the fire in your loins. Eventually, once you’ve spent time learning to know yourself, you might have a clearer picture of the kind of work you’d like to do, and how you’d like to go about it. You might try something else and hate it, but you just have to trust your process and be honest with yourself. You can’t control the outcome of any situation, but you can believe in yourself enough to take risks and make your mark on the world in your very unique, valuable way.
A great way to explore your interests is to join some groups on Meetup. There are thousands and thousands of groups around the world, and there is something for every niche interest you could possibly imagine. Being surrounded by people who share your passions, or concerns, can be life-changing. If these people can mirror your worth back to you, even bloody better. Your sense of worth should come from within, but having the support you need as you learn how to live with yourself is crucial.
In conclusion, Ice Queen (which, by the way, doesn’t suit you at all), no, you should not stop whining. Expressing your emotions is not whining. “Sucking it up” is a harmful behaviour and anyone who tells you to does not have your best interest at heart. As for why you wake up in the morning, that’s not for me to tell you, but you can tell yourself. You hold all the answers within you, if you have the courage and patience and trust to look. Get to know yourself, and everything else will align. Take care, my darling, and if you have any more questions, you know where to find me.
-Iris
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